SURPRISE FRIDAY


 PERSONAL

R. Brown

Diary entry –When he left


This night I feel so helpless; so empty; so useless.

No, I think it was Sunday’s night. I cried so much today by just hearing his favourite song. It rent and shattered my heart into myriads of pieces. I don’t like crying much even though it makes me feel better in the end. But it’s just not worth it.

Anyway, I ended up sending him a WhatsApp I pray he never sees. 

 I woke up today dreaming about my new room at the new hostel I rented for next academic year. But in the dream, it was just a redecoration of our living room. I just don’t know why but the dream made me so happy.

I guess my subconscious might be begging me to find my joy right here before I decide to find it elsewhere else. Not in another guy, not in my parents or anywhere else for that matter.

Happiness, joy, gladness, they should all start from within. I should learn to love me even when I can’t stand myself. Stand firm! Do my chores! Indulge my talents!

Even at my lowest, I should remember to move onward for there is light at the end of the darkest of all tunnels.

I should not push myself off mental cliffs just because one thing or the other did not go my way. For my purpose on earth is greater than those in my life and even greater than myself.

It is going to be hard sometimes. I will not even feel like it, other times. But I pray and I know that I will push through the tears, blink back the tears so I can sail straight ahead into the bliss of destiny.

I won’t hold people at arm’s length because I am learning how strong I am. I am only nineteen. And at nineteen I should be building character ad not “falling in love”, because staying in love will depend on how strong my character is and not my strong emotions.

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