THE PASS-UP FINALE

 

THE PASS-UP

Rony Brown

FINALE-AS CUNNING AS KWEKU ANANSE

This is one folk lore that is not of Siitian origin, much to the Sage’s chagrin. It tells the story of the adventures of Kweku, the cunning spider. Some times during his adventures he was the hero and other times he simply wasn’t. But being hero or no has never stopped Kweku from being cunning and neither will it stop me.

It’s been barely a week since I fell in the arms of the most eligible bachelor in this Siitian world. (Well, there’s the fact that I made him qualify as a bachelor in the first place) And of course he did not waste any time in slipping the most brilliant glass slipper on my foot. But according to the sage, I am nearing the threshold for which it is safe for me to be around the King of this Siitian world.

I am now getting a grip of what she means. Can you believe that the king, my husband, threw a tantrum because I was doing the number three and could not do the do? (Yes, you should know the number three; the one for lady’s only…yeaaaaa. Get it now?)

And when I say a full blown tantrum I don’t mean simple whining and stamping of foot; I mean rolling on the floor, wailing, sucking on the thumb and what have you. And because he was six foot tall and a hunk of a man, it looked…it looked… (Still fumbling for words). It looked… (Search not found!)

So this hunk of a man was still a baby within. I am married to a baby!

So as you can see and coupled with the fact that my phone was dead, (now I miss even the passco and the unbearable noise made on my WhatsApp groups.) I need to get back home.

How do I do that?

“Calundra?”

My heart skip a beat at the mention of the awful name I have been forced to live with in this lace which is once again beginning to live up to its name as the only hell on earth. My heart also skips a beat because of the person calling. What will it be this time?

“I thought it might be you sitting alone in these gardens.” The king, my husband, says.

But I am too frightened to speak. I think he can see me trembling now. No matter how hard I try to still myself when I am frightened it only comes out as more trembling.

“I am sorry about yesterday.”

I gasp. What is happening? According to the Sage he is only going to get worse. But these words, his words, are words from an adults lips. He draws my gaze to his and somehow that action only draws tears from my eyes. These tears fall leaving a trail of treachery. He rubs his nose sadly on my face and proceeds to kiss my tears away and that is my undoing. I break down and weep. Only if he knew the treachery I had planned. He sweeps me off my feet and we proceed to the bedroom.

“Wake up, it’s time.” I literally shove the sage out of her bed.

“What? What?” She wakes up bewildered and disoriented.

“You said that there’s a way out of this place. It’s now or never.” I try to hurry her in vain.

She rubs her eyes lazily and stares blankly at me. Then suddenly her eyes widen as though her brain had just registered what I said.

“You want to leave this dimension?” She sounded surprised. Why did she sound surprised. Just the other day she gave me a drug that would ensure that I could run away when the king’s condition got worse. And even though I do not know how the drug is going to go about ensuring my escape, I have already used it. And just in-case its effects could wear off, I should be way out of place by then.

“This is no time to chat. Get me a portal to earth now!” It is not intended but my words tumble out as a threat.

“First we need one lock of the king’s hair.” She says.

We tip toe to the bedroom where the king seems to be half-way between dead and asleep. I pluck at one beautiful and rich lock of his hair and surprisingly it just comes off. Almost immediately another grows in its place. I reflexively touch my kinky hair.

Men! I am jealous.

We enter this grand room which seems to be painted with light. It rays immediately blinded us the minute we opened the door. It took a while to adjust to its brightness.

“Place the hair here.” She pointed to some tall stand in the middle of the room. After doing so, a door immediately opens and strong winds seem to gush out from the door.

“Prevail against the winds and keep your mind on some article you hold dear in the first dimension.” I could barely hear her even though I could tell she must have been screaming on top of her voice.

“Calundra!” The voice seem tiny at first. But it became louder and closer.

“Calundra!” This time it was as clear as crystal. It is the voice of my king. O no! I am doomed.

I turned and there he was standing right behind me.

“You are my wife. Wherever you go, I go. And I promise that I would do everything in my power to never hurt you.”

I melt at his words. For a moment there I thought he was going to grab my neck and squeeze the life out of me. But instead… Now I can’t leave. He has a kingdom to run.

“What about your kingdom?” I ask.

“Are you happy in my kingdom?” he asks with this clear candid look in his eyes. I cannot lie.

“No.”

“Then let’s go where you will be happy, Calundra.”

“Hurry, the portal is closing.” The sage screams.

My king takes my hands and in the nick of time we make it through the portal. All of a sudden we are not prevailing against the winds but instead against some waves. For goodness sakes I do not know how to swim.

I look at the king. He looks different. Well, it may be because I am drowning. Just then he wraps on hand around my waist and before long, we are at the shore of God knows where.

***

It has been a week of intense hard work on this Island. Even the natives do not know which continent they are on. With the help of the natives, Gerald (which is a much better substitute for my king) and I now live in a nice house facing the sea.

Gerald has learnt a whole lot since he came to earth. Unfortunately the first words he learnt were only cusses. I guess he has fit perfectly in.

“I think I’m expecting.” I say after sipping my tea. Gerald and I have been sitting on our porch since noon and now the sky was a blazing orange.

“So am I” I roll my eyes.

“What are you expecting?” I ask.

“I could ask you the same question.” He retorts and laugh, “Before you throw me another punch, you know I’m just teasing right? I know what you mean.” He says between laughs. He takes the cup out of my hands and twirls me round, finishing it off with a resounding kiss.

I like the way he glows. Ever since he came, his skin has thickened and was well-tanned by the scorching sun.

“The first dimension suits you.” I manage to say between thumping heart beats.

“I now know why you didn’t want to stay at SIIT. I am really glad for the sage’s warning.”

“Which warning?”

“That you might leave me. She prophesied that I will fall into a deep sleep and that I would be awakened by a gentle tuck at my hair by my lover. She said that if I truly loved that person, I will follow where she may lead.”

“What!” I turn sharply at him.

“We have been played.” We say in unison.

“Jinx.”

“The cunning cun…”

“Hey, you better stop right there. I don’t want my son to be cursing like a seaman.”

“Daughter…” Gerald counters.

“Son…”

“Daughter…”

“Son…”

“Daughter… Whoever gets to the shore first wins!”

Before he ends, I sprint to the shore.

“Hey, that’s cheating.”

Before long he is at my heel, he grabs me from behind and throws me into the sea and our laughter echoes sweetly into the sunset.